Friday, November 21, 2008

TABLETOP HEROES (Character Creation)

Session 1: Character Creation

GM invites his friends to play in a Superhero RPG
knowing his friends don't like Superhero RPGs

Its okay says the GM... we will play it really realistic in a world
with no actual superheroes

no costumes and no secret identities
but everyone needs to make a totally normal person
with no knowledge of their own superpoweredness
cause that is how the world is

The players all agree that that does, in fact, sound pretty cool and start making characters

Player 1 is a super hero geek at heart
Player 1 also knows how to break superhero games
Player 1 wants to make a teleporter/timetraveller
GM says fine
but his character has to be an overweight office worker
Player 1 agrees as long as the character can also be Asian
Player 1 thinks being Asian is super cool
GM says fine

Player 2 hates comics cause comics are stupid and juvenile
and aren’t nearly as cool as fantasy settings

Player 2 is also a rule monger
Player 2 picks the Power Mimic ability
Gm says fine
but his character is a male hospice nurse who has no idea how do use his power
Player 2 complains ALOT
GM says deal with it and gives him some power bonuses like range and crap to shut him up

Player 3 is a veteran Vampire roleplayer
Player 3 doesn't care what power he gets as long as he gets a lot of political influence
GM says fine
GM rolls randomly on the Power Acquisition Table
Player 3’s character is randomly assigned Flight
Player 3 also wants a hot wife with a tragic flaw like a terminal disease or something
GM gives him a wife who is crippled
Player 3 makes sure that the wife is still really hot even though she is crippled
GM assures Player 3 that she is
Player 3 thinks it would be a great idea if it was his character’s fault that she was crippled
and goes on and on about it to the point of absurdity

GM tells Player 3 that that is a great idea just so he can move on

Player 4 totally wants to be a brick with super strength
and doesn’t care what kind of character he plays

GM says fine
but his character has to be a low income single mom with a mental illness
Player 4 gets pissed
Player 4 threatens to quit
Player 4 says if he has to play a crazy MILF then she has to be a stripper from Vegas
GM sighs and says fine

Player 5 is the GM's girlfriend and doesn't really know how to play or what kind of character to make but she is just so happy that she is being included
GM makes her a hot teenage cheerleader who is also Immortal
Player 1, 2, 3 and 4 exchange a glance
GM also gives her a NPC protector who is a secret agent bad ass who is also her dad
Player 1, 2, 3 and 4 exchange another glance
Gm secretly decides that the NPC protector is not really her dad just in case he can convince her to hook up with him in character at some point
GM loves the NPC protector character a whole bunch and although he doesn't have a name or backstory he is so seriously Boba Fett style cool that the GM decides that the NPC is going to know each of the characters and have a way to keep tabs on them with a near omnipotent knowledge and access to their lives

GM silently celebrates his cleverness

GM needs a bad guy
GM takes some of the most broken powers in the book like Telekinesis and Cold Control plus the absurd Power Leech power with a ‘flaw’ that anyone subjected to the power immediately dies by having their brain sucked out or something and although this character is ridiculously overpowered and impossible to kill the GM is very pleased with himself and his ability to make interesting well rounded NPCs

Gm realizes too late that he really doesn't have any plot and that his characters are all starting out in different places around the world and don't know each other

GM panics and makes Player 2 and Player 3's characters related so that they can start in the same place

GM picks New York City cause that is where Spiderman is from

GM thanks everyone and can’t wait until next week

To be continued...


izenmania said...

Oh dear... so very, very true it defies description. Well done, sir.

Dawn said...

I think you modelled "Claire" from moi! How fun is that!

I think your "full-time" job isn't keeping you busy enough...If Carole comes knocking on my door to do the newsletter, Im sending her back down to you. Maybe you can create a newsletter hero for her. Just for her.

Dawn said...

OK,so I actually read the entire commentary to the end. That is super-freakin' hilarious, Stowe. And my bad! You obviously DID NOT model Claire after me.

I think Naomi and Justin would totally appreciate this!